161 Best Funny Inspirational Quotes About life

“Memories are doing funny things to us.” – Milos Forman

“I can speak Esperanto like a native.” – Spike Milligan

“I think serial monogamy says it all.” – Tracey Ullman

“Fashions have done more harm than revolutions.” – Victor Hugo

“A nickel ain’t worth a dime anymore.” – Yogi Berra

“Men are only as loyal as their options.” – Bill Maher

“There’s always something funny about men chasing women.” – David Spade

“I was the kid next door’s imaginary friend.” – Emo Philips

“You’re only as good as your last haircut.” – Fran Lebowitz

“I’m for whatever gets you through the night.” – Frank Sinatra

“I thought I was funny as a kid.” – Jo Brand

“Life is hard. After all, it kills you.” – Katharine Hepburn

“A lot of baby boomers are baby bongers.” – Kevin Nealon

“Miami Beach is where neon goes to die.” – Lenny Bruce

“I’m not funny. What I am is brave.” – Lucille Ball

“God did not intend religion to be an exercise club.” – Naguib Mahfouz

“I’m sorry, if you were right, I’d agree with you.” – Robin Williams

“Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?” – Robin Williams

“The next time you have a thought… let it go.” – Ron White

“O Lord, help me to be pure, but not yet.” – Saint Augustine

“It’s funny what a few no-hitters do for a body.” – Satchel Paige

funny inspirational quotes

“It’s funny how intimate it feels to get a text.” – Sophie Ellis Bextor

“How long was I in the army? Five foot eleven.” – Spike Milligan

“I’m writing a book. I’ve got the page numbers done.” – Steven Wright

“What contemptible scoundrel has stolen the cork to my lunch?” – W. Clement Stone

“I buy expensive suits. They just look cheap on me.” – Warren Buffett

“Electricity is really just organized lightning.” – George Carlin

“All men are equal before fish.” – Herbert Hoover

“It’s funny to be a critic.” – Leslie Fiedler

“One picture is worth 1,000 denials.” – Ronald Reagan

“The superfluous, a very necessary thing.” – Voltaire

“I don’t mean to be funny.” – Yogi Berra

“I had a very funny family.” – Zach Braff

“It’s simple, if it jiggles, it’s fat.” – Arnold Schwarzenegger

“I don’t just try to be funny.” – Bil Keane

“Defy your own group. Rebel against yourself.” – Cathy Guisewite

“It’s funny how most activists are pacifists.” – Craig Bruce

“Who picks your clothes – Stevie Wonder?” – Don Rickles

“Never put a sock in a toaster.” – Eddie Izzard

“Guilt: the gift that keeps on giving.” – Erma Bombeck

“TV is chewing gum for the eyes.” – Frank Lloyd Wright

“I grew up in a funny way.” – Gordon Ramsay

“One man’s folly is another man’s wife.” – Helen Rowland

“Communism is like one big phone company.” – Lenny Bruce

“Our national flower is the concrete cloverleaf.” – Lewis Mumford

“All generalizations are false, including this one.” – Mark Twain

“Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.” – Mark Twain

“I watch things that are fun, or funny, or interesting.” – Martha Plimpton

“You can’t be funny if you don’t have good material.” – Matt LeBlanc

“Actually I never did stand up. I’m not that funny.” – Maynard James Keenan

“Funny things happen to you in movies for silly reasons.” – Michael Caine

funny inspirational quotes

“At school I was very shy. I wasn’t funny really.” – Michel Gondry

“A waffle is like a pancake with a syrup trap.” – Mitch Hedberg

“I drank some boiling water because I wanted to whistle.” – Mitch Hedberg

“This shirt is dry clean only. Which means… it’s dirty.” – Mitch Hedberg

“All these jokes have been pre-approved as funny by me.” – Mitch Hedberg

“Funny is funny.” – Don Rickles

“Be obscure clearly.” – E. B. White

“Hollywood’s just not funny.” – Chris Rock

“My life needs editing.” – Mort Sahl

“Funny is funny is funny.” – Bob Newhart

“Everybody’s funny in different ways.” – Colin Quinn

“It’s funny because it’s funny.” – David Spade

“I rant, therefore I am.” – Dennis Miller

“Polite conversation is rarely either.” – Fran Lebowitz

“Weather forecast for tonight: dark.” – George Carlin

“Never floss with a stranger.” – Joan Rivers

“I don’t think I’m funny.” – Liam Neeson

“It’s a funny old world.” – Margaret Thatcher

“Never fight an inanimate object.” – P. J. O’Rourke

“What’s another word for Thesaurus?” – Steven Wright

“I like marriage. The idea.” – Toni Morrison

“I like children – fried.” – W. C. Fields

“Everybody’s funny if you love them.” – Anna Torv

“All my children inherited perfect pitch.” – Chevy Chase

“Nothing’s funny about someone who’s successful.” – Drew Carey

“Cleanliness becomes more important when godliness is unlikely.” – P. J. O’Rourke

“Life would be tragic if it weren’t funny.” – Stephen Hawking

“I bought some batteries, but they weren’t included.” – Steven Wright

“Books are funny little portable pieces of thought.” – Susan Sontag

“Most of my ideas just come out funny.” – Tim Heidecker

“Laughter is involuntary. If it’s funny you laugh.” – Tom Lehrer

“It is funny what a year can do.” – Victor Cruz

“You need to be silly to be funny.” – William Shatner

“Inappropriateness is funny to me. Rudeness is hilarious.” – Zach Galifianakis

“I always approach comedy roles pretending they aren’t funny.” – Brendan Fraser

“How many people here have telekenetic powers? Raise my hand.” – Emo Philips

“All people are born alike – except Republicans and Democrats.” – Groucho Marx

“If at first you don’t succeed… so much for skydiving.” – Henny Youngman

“I would talk in iambic pentameter if it were easier.” – Howard Nemerov

“Progress was all right. Only it went on too long.” – James Thurber

“Funny, I don’t feel any more powerful today than yesterday.” – Jerry B. Jenkins

“Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.” – Jim Carrey

“Flattery is like cologne water, to be smelt, not swallowed.” – Josh Billings

“I never thought of myself as like, a funny person.” – Lena Dunham

“There’s no such thing as soy milk. It’s soy juice.” – Lewis Black

“As I get older, I just prefer to knit.” – Tracey Ullman

“I think being funny is not anyone’s first choice.” – Woody Allen

“I never said most of the things I said.” – Yogi Berra

“Fatherhood is pretending the present you love most is soap-on-a-rope.” – Bill Cosby

“All right everyone, line up alphabetically according to your height.” – Casey Stengel

“Parrots make great pets. They have more personality than goldfish.” – Chevy Chase

“I would like to do something modern and possibly funny.” – Dan Stevens

“What other people call dark and despairing, I call funny.” – David Sedaris

“Some people say funny things, but I say things funny.” – Don Rickles

“I grew up in Europe, where the history comes from.” – Eddie Izzard

“Let them eat cake.” – Marie Antoinette

“Being seventy is not a sin.” – Golda Meir

“I’m most comfortable in my birthday suit.” – Amanda Seyfried

“Love the giver more than the gift.” – Brigham Young

“New Year’s Day is every man’s birthday.” – Charles Lamb

“I left school on my 15th birthday.” – David Bailey

“I love having my birthday at Australia Zoo.” – Bindi Irwin

“Just hit my 75th birthday, I’m feeling great!” – Colin Powell

“The only thing better than singing is more singing.” – Ella Fitzgerald

“Your children need your presence more than your presents.” – Jesse Jackson

“There is still no cure for the common birthday.” – John Glenn

“On my birthday, I was in Milan for the collections.” – Eva Herzigova

“Our birthdays are feathers in the broad wing of time.” – Jean Paul

“Would ye both eat your cake and have your cake?” – John Heywood

“We’ll take the cake with the red cherry on top.” – Navjot Singh Sidhu

“Let us celebrate the occasion with wine and sweet words.” – Plautus

“The day before my 16th birthday I got my guitar.” – Stevie Nicks

“A gift, with a kind countenance, is a double present.” – Thomas Fuller

“When I turned 60, it didn’t bother me at all.” – Yoko Ono

funny inspirational quotes

“I was fired by ‘America’s Next Top Model’ on my birthday.” – Paulina Porizkova

“Cigarettes and coffee: an alcoholic’s best friend!” – Gerard Way

“Coffee and smoking are the last great addictions.” – Lara Flynn Boyle

“Good communication is as stimulating as black coffee, and just as hard.” – Anne Spencer

“I like my coffee like I like my women. In a plastic cup.” – Eddie Izzard

“Eating rice cakes is like chewing on a foam coffee cup, only less filling.” – Dave Barry

“I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.” – Steven Wright

“Science may never come up with a better office communication system than the coffee break.” – Earl Wilson

“When traveling with someone, take large does of patience and tolerance with your morning coffee.” – Helen Hayes

“Good communication is just as stimulating as black coffee, and just as hard to sleep after.” – Anne Morrow Lindbergh

“The sound of the blades on the ice in the morning is like smelling fresh coffee.” – Tara Lipinski

“I don’t have any superstitions, but what I always travel with is my pillow and my coffee.” – Natalie Coughlin

“Like everyone else who makes the mistake of getting older, I begin each day with coffee and obituaries.” – Bill Cosby

“Kids are meeting in coffee shops and basements figuring out what’s unsustainable in their communities. That’s the future.” – Ian Somerhalder

“Maxi dresses are also my best friend. They take me from my morning coffee, to the beach, to nighttime.” – Hilary Rhoda

“Television is not real life. In real life people actually have to leave the coffee shop and go to jobs.” – Bill Gates

“In New York I pretty much live in diners – I order French Fries, Diet Coke floats and lots of coffee.” – Lana Del Rey

“For four to six months at a time, I would barely eat. I lived on a diet of Melba toast, carrots, and black coffee.” – Alanis Morissette

“I like to do weird things in the shower, like drink my coffee, brush my teeth and drink a smoothie. It’s good time management.” – Michelle Williams

“Townes van Zandt is the best songwriter in the whole world and I’ll stand on Bob Dylan’s coffee table in my cowboy boots and say that.” – Steve Earle

“Probably millions of Americans got up this morning with a cup of coffee, a cigarette and a donut. No wonder they are sick and fouled up.” – Jack LaLanne

“I’d like to do a film which is funny.” – Clive Owen

“When the sun comes up, I have morals again.” – Elayne Boosler

“I spent a year in that town, one Sunday.” – George Burns

“I’m so unprofessional on set it’s not even funny.” – Katharine McPhee

“If two wrongs don’t make a right, try three.” – Laurence J. Peter

“I used to be Snow White, but I drifted.” – Mae West

“If at first you don’t succeed, blame your parents.” – Marcelene Cox

“I wish I had the nerve not to tip.” – Paul Lynde

“Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.” – Peter Ustinov

“Housework can’t kill you, but why take a chance?” – Phyllis Diller

“My job is mostly to entertain and be funny.” – Rosie O’Donnell

“I like all Jim Carrey films. They’re really funny.” – Rupert Grint

“Japanese people have a funny habit of abbreviating names.” – Shigeru Miyamoto

“A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.” – Steve Martin

“I intend to live forever. So far, so good.” – Steven Wright